My Commitment To Taking A Break
Self
I am taking a 2 month break starting in July. 2 whole months to recover from everything I have been through in this pandemic. To reassess what’s important to me. What kind of work I want to produce, how I want to contribute in this world, but also to rest and reset.
And the thought makes my stomach hurt. What should give me peace is giving me tremendous anxiety and guilt.
March 2020-now has been the longest decade of my life. I can't even say when I hit the wall. Was it months of mask wearing? Not seeing people’s whole face, not a smile, not a full facial expression. Was it social distancing, not hanging out or hugging friends, sharing meals. Was it listening to people be irrational about mask wearing, social distancing, quarantining, vaccinations, or science? The blur of fact vs fiction. Was it the way racism showed its ugly head time and time again in the covid death rates, community impacts, in our policing system, in the unfair allocation of resources. In the way “allies” didn’t show up, in the appropriation, performance allyship.
Was it comforting people through 12 layers of PPE with only words, trying not to hold or hug crying children in clinic, holding up an ipad for the family of a dying patient, so they could communicate for the last time?
Was it the culmination of all of it?
A whole year and plenty of traumas. A whole year without all the things that spark joy for me. Like being with people, and eating at restaurants, and travel. Anyone would need to rest after such trauma so why with fellowship ending did it give me such anxiety to take a break?
I have self-identified as a hard worker for so long, that resting is against my constitution. I proudly walk around telling people, I've had a job since I was eligible for a work permit at age 14. I've been on a continuous path forward since then. Always on to the next thing, ever forward, ever onward.
Us
As a society we have been trained to be good workers. What tenets of being a hard worker do you uphold? For me, it’s that hard work is highly valued. Hard work yields good results. You work hard until retirement. #nodaysoff
I like to describe my efforts as tireless, relentless. I like to use the word persevere and dedicated.
And its not just me, its all of us. This year, I saw fatigue manifesting in so many ways. And yet, I did not see coping in a healthy way. As we adapted to working from home, everyone felt they had to be more productive. People who now were also watching, and teaching their children at home, taking care of sick loved ones, and still completing the tasks of their full-time job were also trying to start new businesses, be more present on social media, develop whole online strategies. We have been so engrained to push through that when health workers caught covid, they couldn’t accept staying home for 14 days. I watched people struggle to keep going even when their bodies said NOPE!
Now
How did we as a society become this way? How did we all internalize capitalism in a way that is harmful to ourselves?
It has taken a pandemic for some of us to reprioritize care for self. For some it took having actual sickness to re-evaluate our choices. Some of us still struggle to put our own health first. But this must change. We must teach ourselves new ways to be. New ways to describe ourselves and attribute value. Balanced, self-compassionate, fulfilled, nourished, content.
As leaders, we should model what we want for others on our team. We can be leaders and model good behavior from any level, in any position. Gone are the days of working ourselves to the bone. We need to champion our health, both mind and body without it being associated to laziness or inefficiency or weakness.
There's a trend of doing self care Sunday where you treat yourself with some measly prize. But why not create a life where selfcare Sunday isn’t required. Where self-care is the lifestyle not the exception.
We can be committed to others and also be committed to ourselves. We can be committed to others by committing to ourselves.
