Affirm Yourself

A personal narrative on the importance of positive self talk

Self

My mother held my hand as we rush away from one of many interviews for a new private school. My 9 year old brain was happy as I felt the interview had gone well. You’re so articulate the lady had told me. And I had beamed. “What do you think the lady meant by that?”, my mom asked. I said it I thought it meant I was smart. My mother told me that it wasn’t a compliment. And people only said things like that to little black girls who they weren’t expecting to be such things. “Of course you’re articulate”, she muttered. “And to hell with them if it shocks them.“

I later I remember compiling my college list and being told by my high school counselor that while I was smart I wasn’t Ivy League material. I should apply to safety schools in case. So I applied to 9 non-Ivy colleges and was accepted to all nine.  And I later wondered if my counselor had been wrong. I remember going to talk to my school counselor about applying to medical school. And her telling me point blank I would never get in. And she subsequently left on maternity leave without giving me the necessary recommendation packet for the HPAC application or alerting me of the upcoming deadline for the application. 

Us

These are all examples of discouragement, which is not a unique experience. Im sure my story telling has triggered many personal tales where you too were discouraged. Based on the way people have spoken to you, treated you, how much of this have you internalized? It’s easy to see how this would lead to negative self-talk. 

Generally people have a hard time talking about themselves. I’m sure many of you had trouble finding a story to tell today. If I asked you right now to list things you’re good at, would you be able to without hesitation? Is one of the things you’re good at negative self talk?

As a child the actions and words of others is shaping both positively and negatively. As adults the words and promises we make to ourselves are shaping. The way we treat ourselves is often shaped by our upbringing but can be changed with conscious effort.

We have done so much reflection over the past 3 weeks. Each of us has overcome hurdles, barriers and had successes to be in this very room. We are the reflection of what is possible. There are so many things we have decided to do in spite of the initial thought that it may be hard. And yet we can still self deprecate so easily. So what are the things you say to yourself? How do you limit yourself? What are the caps you have set on the things you deserve? Do you realize that you decide what you can and cannot do? 

 Now

In a sincere way that doesn’t mean things will materialize or magically come in the mail, figure out how to focus yourself positively: Don’t be the barrier to someone else or to yourself. Don’t let the fact that you don’t see anyone who looks like you doing what you want to do be an obstacle. Sometimes you are the first. Maybe it’s up to you to be that image for someone else. 

If you cant do it for yourself, do it for all the girls who someone somewhere is discouraging; for all the adults who spend their days in self-doubt. Be the light you wish to see in the world or whatever cliché drives you to change your own mind. 

Start small. Read an affirmation or a book you connect to. 

At the end of each day ask yourself, have you offered someone encouragement today? Have you offered it to yourself?